The Melody of an Ambulance

Apologies don’t mean anything
They’re just an elaborate combination of words
And words are unreliable
I’m losing faith in everything
Even you

These people

Who I don’t even know

Made me a birthday video!

jkjk, i know them and love them a lot

THANK YOU DUSTIN AND JODI!

<33

And there she was, standing no more than ten feet away from him, completely unaware of his presence; of the love surrounding her. He felt as though he should fall to his knees and beg for mercy, but at the same time, the urge to bash her over the head with a cement block came over him. All of these immense feelings being brought up at once caused numerous physical ailments, his knees became weak, and a weight seemed to be falling on top of him.

“Smash my face in with a brick,” he thought to himself, “she looks as beautiful as she did eight months ago.”

The truth was she looked especially beautiful under the broken yellow lights of the theatre complex, her blue summer dress only complimenting her long blonde hair. He ached for her to turn around, to acknowledge his existance. He yearned to see those gorgeous green eyes once again.

The following events would only occur in his head:

He slowly approached her with anticipation flowing through his veins. He touched her shoulder and she turned around, the breeze playing with her hair. She looked at him with such longing eyes. The smell of her perfume consumed him, entirely.

“Let’s get out of here, okay?” she said to him. It was more of a demand rather than a request.

“You broke my heart,” he replied.

“Well you broke my heart, too. So let’s leave!”

She took his hand, for the first time in nearly a year, and they left the theatre together. It was as if those endless days of hate never even existed. It was as if nothing had happened and things were back to the way they use to be, the way they should’ve been all along.

But none of that could ever happen, not in this world.

The following is what actually occured:

He slowly walked up to her, this specimen of pure and perfect love. She turned around to begin her long walk home, and stopped in shock. She glanced at him for a fraction of a second, and for that second their eyes met, and he longed for words to come out of her mouth; for her voice to form the words he so longed to hear for so long: I’m sorry. She seemed rattled. She quickly turned around and started her journey home, as if she had never seen him before in her life.

He stood there, almost cemented in his tracks, his heart broken all over again. He would never feel her touch, he would never see her again, and he would never get his apology he wanted so terribly.

He dragged himself home to play the events over and over again in his head.

so i guess i’m going to try to write a short [very very short] story as much as i possibly can, and try to collect them all.

yeah, bye<3

Today was the best day I’ve had in a while
Nate, you’ve made me feel so loved

Babyboy
+
Randibear
_________
great

and i wonder if i’d see another highwayyyy

I took it for love
Or at least something beautiful
Out there in the spotlight
But I turned around suddenly,
Turned around squinting
And saw
That it was headlights
And then the truth,
The truth was unbearable

I’ve been thinking a lot about this
I want to be a great writer
I want to be a spectacular writer
Or, maybe, I just want someone
To look back at my work in 50 years
And say,
“holy shit, this moved me”
I just want some recognition
I look at lyrics
Artists such as Mason Jennings,
Who takes the smallest things and fills them up with meaning
Or Conor Oberst
Who composes some of the most precise observations of human life
And even at it’s worst points, makes it seem so glorious; so romantic
I want that power
I look at these things
And think to myself,
“Why didn’t i think of that?”
I want to create a beautiful picture in someone’s head
I want to make someone feel what I feel
I want someone to think I have a beautiful mind
Because I really do
And everything I’ve written already
Is beautiful in it’s own right
My ‘works in progress’ are my babies
So treat them with respect
And understand where I’m coming from
And the points I’m trying to get across

Oh!
And for my birthday
I’m going to have a fire
And a lot of Mason Jennings music
Just don’t try to break my heart
And ruin my birthday
Because I will fucking tear you up, slut

You see,
Last night was wonderful
Sort of
Until 1:30 in the morning
When I got very sick
My head was about to explode
Into a million tiny pieces
And I was going to die
So I called my mom
She picked me up
And on the ride home
I realized that I wasn’t just sick,
I was homesick, too
Homesick for a place I’ll never get to,
That I’ll never quite reach
And this wasn’t the first time I left a party
Because I felt that awful ache
I left Qing’s party
I left Cait’s house show
I left Dana’s sleepover
And I left last night
Because I’ve been endlessly homesick
For my childhood
For Nathan Lee Brune
For my future

Plus
On top of everything
I felt like the biggest fatass last night
Ever

I miss my babyboy
So much
Don’t hesitate to come home :[

I’m not very excited for my birthday, at all
Maybe a little Bright Eyes could explain this a bit better

All eyes on the calendar
Another year I claim of total indifference
To here, the days pile up
With decisions to be made, I’m sure all of them were wrong
Into this song I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse
And forget this wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
And I’m sorry about the phone call and needing you
Some decisions you don’t make
I guess it’s just like breathing or not wanting to
There are some things you can’t fake
I guess that it’s typical
To cling to memories you’ll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs
Of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know
And there below
His frozen face
You wrote the name and that ancient date, that ancient date
And you can’t believe that he’s really gone
When all that’s left is a fucking song and
I’m sorry about the phone call; and waking you.
I know that it is late,
But thank you for talking, because I needed to.
Some things just can’t wait.

so this year, could we just skip the birthday shit?